New thread for 2010 jokes

'N COLOURED MAAK 'N PLAN
An old man lived alone in Cape Town . He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Clemence, who used to
help him, was in Pollsmoor Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

"Dear Clemence, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just
getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all
my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love,
Papa"




A few days later he received a letter from his son.

"Dear Papa, For heaven's sake, Papa, don't dig up that garden, that's
where I Buried the BODIES. Love, Clemence"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, the Scorpion Unit, NIA agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could
do under the circumstances. Love Clemence."

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JO1 I cant see any of the pics you posted bud

html attachements are not possible, because hackers might use it to upload malicious code.

me neither

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GATIEP
Gatiep Innie Court
Regter: 'Hoe kan jy onskuldig pleit as 5 mense jou sien steel het?'
Gatiep: 'Djou Honour, ek kan thousands bring wat my nie gesien het nie!'


Gatiep se Voicemail
My bra, Gatiep is nie available nie.
Los djou naam en nomma en ek stuur vir djou a 'please call me' wanna ek wee available is.


Gatiep innie skool
Juffrou vra vir Gatiep: 'Jou ma het 4 aartappels, julle is 9 kinders, hoeveel aartappels gaan elkeen kry?'
Gatiep: 'My ma's nie stupid nie, sy maak mash!'


Die tou
Gatiep sleep 'n tou die straat af en loop verby Maraai. Maraai sê vir Gatiep:

'Hoekom sleep djy die tou?'
Gatiep: 'Het djy al 'n tou try stoot?'


The one and only
Gammat word aangekla dat hy vir Meraai 'n BIETS genoem het.
Tydens kruisverhoor sê Gammat: 'Djy't da' boe oppie balcony gastaan,

en ek da' onne innie straat.'
'Ja,' sê Meraai.
'Daar was mos baie mense by djou oppie balcony,' sê Gammat.
'Ja,' sê Meraai.
'Nou hoe wiet djy dan ek het met djou gapraat?'
'Omlat ek die enigste BIETS daar was,' sê Meraai.


Selle ou storie
Die Regter kyk vir Gammat in die oog en sê:
'Dis nou die 6de jaar na mekaar dat jy in my hof in die beskuldigdebank staan.
''Djou honour,' sê Gammat, 'moenie vir my blame omlat jy nie promotion kan kry nie.'

Juffrou aan klas: "Maak 'n sin met Vermoed."
Jannie haak af en sê: "Juffrou, gister gedurende pouse is ek in die skool saal en sien mnr Francois agter die gordyne uitkom, hy trek toe sy onderbroek en broek op. 'n Rukkie later toe kom juf Fiona ook agter die gordyne uit, trek haar panty op en maak haar rok reg

Geskok vra die Juffrou: ”Jannie, wat het dit met vermoed te doen?"

Jannie:
"Juffrou, ek VERMOED hulle het altwee agter die klavier gekak."

:woohoo: :silly:

That... is bad... very bad

SNOK1986 wrote:

:laugh: :laugh:

Life before CGI clearly sucked

Ouma se vir Oupa na seks: 'jy is soos n selfoon.....'

Oupa vra: 'Vibreer ek te veel?'

Ouma: "neeeee, jy verloor sein die oomblik as jy die tonnel binnegaan..."



Oom en tannie besluit hulle gaan liefde maak.

Tannie: "bietjie op, nee links, nee regs, nee agtertoe!"

Oom: "neeeee my fok, wil jy spyker of parkeer!"


Koos arrives in England to watch rugby. He becomes ill and a Pommie dr tells
him they have to remove his testicles. On which he replies: Not a fok! An
Afrikaans dr then came to Koos and said: Koos hulle moet jou knaters
uithaal. Koos:
Oraait, ek dog hulle soek my test tickets.

Baas se aan blond: Jou brein sit tussen jou bene!!! Blond bel Maandag en
boek af siek vir 'n week. Baas vra:
Wat's fout? Blond: Bloeding op die brein!!!!


2 seuntjies masturbeer ... Die een sê: My pa sê ek gaan blind word as ek dit
te veel doen. Die ander een sê, dis so lekker, kom ons doen dit net tot ons
bril dra!

An elderly man in North Queensland had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large billabong in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the water, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the water, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his billabong.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the water naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the crocodiles..'

Some old men can still think fast.

www.health24.com/fitness/In_the_gym/16-526,60179.asp

I had a good laugh, even though some of that have happened to me before

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you pos...sibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”




So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for 'Viagra'. The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.

Later that week, the same guy goes ba...ck to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks 'why, is your dick in that much pain?', 'no', says the guy, 'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!




There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and ...you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

How sore does this first one look.

Oh GOSH!! Hectic Vega!!!

Thread continues: www.anabolicsteroids.co.za/forum/general...jokes-for-2011#58433