New thread for 2010 jokes

I cant hazzzz cheeseburger

A teacher asks a redneck girl to use "handsome" in a sentence.

She says, "When I'm suckin' dick and my jaw gets sore, I use my
handsome."

Kinda brings a tear to ya eye.

lol!

know its old but thought id add it to the thread:

due to his behaviour tiger woods lost most of his sponsors, however playtex has decided to offer him sponsorship. on a question to their spokesman of why they want to sponsor him, he replied "it is the goal of our company to support a cunt going through a bad period"

6 AFFAIRS

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair

with his secretary.

One day they went to her place

and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep

and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed

and told his lover to take his shoes

outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied,

"I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said:

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"





The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time

for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant

and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery

to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child

he had ever seen.

He told his wife: "There's no way I can

be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

"Not this time!"




The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

about to be cremated,

and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician

commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it,

stuffed it into his briefcase,

and took it home

"I have something to show

you won't believe," he said to his wife,

opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed,

"Schwartz is dead!"




The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover

when she heard her husband

opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you,"

she said, "pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired

as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied,

"the Smiths bought one and I liked it

so I got one for us, too."

No more was said,

not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

went to the kitchen and returned

with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

and nobody offered me a damned thing."




The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,

went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:

"How much for a nice juicy steak

and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied:

"Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs

with your wife?"

The bartender replied:

"The same thing I'm doing

to his business down here."




The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to, "his wife replied.

"No," he insisted,

"I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied,

"now just rest and let the poison work."

New from Google Earth - Track your partner

You really have to do this , its amazing.

I can't believe this works!!! Google Earth just got better, type in the
mobile phone number and you get the location of that person! Give it a
try
it's incredible !!!

Click on Link Below:




< www.track-your-partner.com/ > www.track-your-partner.com/

:cry NB1, I knew you were up to no good

Beesting wrote:

:cry NB1, I knew you were up to no good

LOL Bee, did you use my cell number?

Twee kondome loop verby n gay club,wat se die een kondoom vir die ander een?
Is jy lus om kak te gaan soek!

North_Boy1 wrote:

Beesting wrote:

:cry NB1, I knew you were up to no good

LOL Bee, did you use my cell number?

of course I did, how else do u think i managed to find u

! (File Removed)

Could somebody please inform DJ that I found his relatives.


(File Removed)

The Lions manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play rugby, is
suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Gauteng .

Two weeks later the Lions are 18-6 down to the Bulls with only 20 minutes
left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi winger the nod and on he
goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 4 tries in 20 minutes and wins the game for
the Lions. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and
the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his
first day in Super 14 Rugby.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says "I played for 20 minutes today, and we were
18-6 down but I scored 4 tries and we won! Everybody loves me, the fans, the
media, they all love me!"

"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father was
shot in the leg and hijacked; your sister and I were ambushed, beaten and
robbed; your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you were
having such a great time playing rugby"

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, but I am so sorry."

"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' shrieks his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to
Jo'Burg in the first place."

(File Removed)

Mr_SA wrote:

(File Removed)

Here is the video:

i luv these demotivational pics (File Removed)

Bafana at their secret training camp in the Drakensberg (File Removed)

(File Removed)

Watch this video hahahaha kak funny lyrics

Here's one for dj (File Removed)

damncoolpics.blogspot.com/2007/08/top-10...ified-people-in.html

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides
to ask her students what they had for breakfast.

To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their
answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,

'E-G-G'.

'Very good', says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.

'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.

'I had f*ck all', he says, 'F-*-C-K A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some
rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell
her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the
nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is
in bed with my mother.

That's why I got f*ck all for breakfast'.

North_Boy1 wrote:

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides
to ask her students what they had for breakfast.

To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their
answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,

'E-G-G'.

'Very good', says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.

'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.

'I had f*ck all', he says, 'F-*-C-K A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some
rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell
her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the
nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is
in bed with my mother.

That's why I got f*ck all for breakfast'.

:haha i love little Johnny jokes!

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"