lees!!!!!!!

That was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. Thanks mate...

(File Removed)

A man knocked on my door asking for clothes to give to starving people in Africa.

I told him to f * ck-off. If my clothes fit them, they can't be that f * cking hungry

One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus
the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a
seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look
mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied.

"He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take
his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll
hold your monkey for you."

A warning for all men who may be regular Builders Warehouse customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:
Two very hot girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and WindoLene with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to KFC. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also August 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Just thought I would share this.... (File Removed)

LSJ wrote:

Just thought I would share this.... (File Removed)

:haha

Oom Koos van die Oos Transvaal besit sy plasie nou al vir donkiejare.

Skuins agter die bloekoms het hy destyds vir sy kinders die plaasdam in 'n
swembad omskep en goed ingerig, met piekniektafels, braaigeriewe en
vrugtebome.

Een aand, so skemer se Kant, besluit Oom Koos, in sy eensaamheid, om bietjie
daar by die dam te gaan sit. Hy neem toe ook 'n emmer saam om 'n paar van
die vrugte terug te neem huis toe.

Soos wat hy aangestap kom, hoor hy vrolike stemme gesels en giggel. Hy Val
plat agter 'n bos en loer deur die takke om te sien wat aangaan. Tot sy swak
hart beleef hy 'n groep kaal meisies wat in die dam swem. Hy staan toe op en
stap nader om die meisies te laat weet hulle betree eintlik 'n ander man se
eiendom. Toe hulle hom sien, sak hulle almal laer af, sodat die water die
nodige toemaak.

Een van die meisies skreeu benoud op die oom: "Ons klim nie uit voor oom nie
weggaan nie!"

"Nee, nee, bedaar niggie, ek is nie hier om te kyk hoe die spulletjie van
julle kaal........ Swem nie......" Hy hou die emmer omhoog en sê:

"Ek is net gou hier om die krokodil kos te gee.................."

Ou tannie gaan tandarts toe.

Sy klim op die stoel en maak haar bene oop.

Tandarts effens verbaas: "Tannie ek dink jy is by die verkeerde dokter..."

Tannie: "Shut up!!

Haal die oom se tande uit!

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations".


But none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"

:haha :clapclap :goodpoint

North_Boy1 wrote:

Ou tannie gaan tandarts toe.

Sy klim op die stoel en maak haar bene oop.

Tandarts effens verbaas: "Tannie ek dink jy is by die verkeerde dokter..."

Tannie: "Shut up!!

Haal die oom se tande uit!

:X

North_Boy1 wrote:

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations".


But none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"

:haha :goodpoint

jo1 wrote:

North_Boy1 wrote:

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations".


But none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"

:haha :goodpoint

BHWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

Did you hear about the amputation unit that is going bankrupt?
They don't have a leg to stand on

Did you hear about the blind circumciser?
He got the sack.

:laugh:

missiondh wrote:

:laugh:

:haha

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand the point of BEE. Can you explain it to me?"


The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.


At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.


They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.


The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.


The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.


The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"


The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.


The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.


However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"


The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand BEE"

Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman asks, “ Where did you get that?” “Africa they’re all over the place!” Said the parrot!

Hey JO1, your analogy on BEE isn't quite correct.

While they were busy with all this stuff, no-one was looking after the pool so the water turned green.
Now the prof has to spend thousands to get it clear again!

Julius and the Pope

The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Julius and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped him.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Wayne wrote:

Julius and the Pope

The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Julius and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped him.

:clapclap :haha

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her stuff.

"Heck no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"


"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there."

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."


"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."


The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised."

:blush:

A notable gynecologist once said,
The best engine in the world is the vagina.
It can be started with one finger.
It is self lubricating.
It takes any size piston.
And it changes its own oil every four weeks.
"It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental."