Jokes

pr0gr3s1v3 wrote:

Can somebody tell this guy that that machine is for Calves? Looking at his legs and calves, looks like he skipped those as well...

Pyroclasm wrote: The dude looks like a fat version of my cousin. He´s also from Middelburg. :whistle:

Your signature is taking up too much space. Could you make it smaller?

yes please. it is huge

jackrabbit1 wrote:

Pyroclasm wrote: The dude looks like a fat version of my cousin. He´s also from Middelburg. :whistle:

Your signature is taking up too much space. Could you make it smaller?

Ek maak so Oom!

MRfeathers wrote: yes please. it is huge

I've been hearing that non stop since I hit puberty

Ha ha ha MA you clown

For anyone who has seen The Walking Dead



This one is also brilliant!

While walking down the street one day an ANC Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’ ‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man. ‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’ ‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP. ‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules. ’And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it’s time to visit heaven. ’So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. ‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity. ’The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. ’So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable .What happened? ’The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning.. …

WARNING - DIS ROF !

For the afrikaans guys - wtf hahaha

J

Oupa wrote: WARNING - DIS ROF !

For the afrikaans guys - wtf hahaha

briljant, awesome. My amper natgepis hoe Ek nou gelag het

Ek het nou net biekies in my broekie gepiepie! :lol: :lol:

Watkykjy.co.za is die koning van komedie!

dit was kak snaaks, WHAHA

As ek ve jou 3 dankies kon gee sou ek.

There's always one.

Haha was thinking of getting a kilt made for me in my family names tartan colours... Although I don't think I have the balls to walk around here with a kilt. It gets fucking cold here haha

Like a boss hahaha

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat, and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a Coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks great. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes, and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours, "Why does it have to be this way?'How long must this go on?

This fighting between our nations?

This hatred?

This animosity?

This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?"

:lol:

Worth a read!